So, since the start of this year, I've been maining a HHKB Pro 2 with blank keycaps, a keyboard that I really love and have not stopped talking about even Despite the fact that... it's just a keyboard... you type on it and that's it... what moron would be obsessed with keyboards... oh... nevermind.

Anyway, at work, bored as hell, I decided to just add colemak into my keyboard layouts toggle list thing through ibus settings... Now, I am technically not new to this alternative keyboard layout thing in a way, as the french use AZERTY: A worse QWERTY with shuffled special characters placement and number row becomes unusable, because you have to use shift and then press the key, oh, and you will be using the right alt key too, I hope you're good at alternating your shift key and using your right thumb with the right alt key... Why couldn't the French just use an IME, it's not like anyone knows how to use a keyboard in France anyway, I think I've only seen 2 people touch type in France, I'm not joking, it's terrible, I've become incredibly patient and I think it's all to do with these school projects and waiting for the teachers to hunt and peck there way into writing their question on google docs because they are no longer allowed to use MS Word. And I use the JIS layout for japanese, which isn't that different from the normal QWERTY keyboard besides special characters, which nearly is more infuriating than just a completely new layout because you forget you are even using it the JIS layout until you use the ':' key or something.

Now, the thing is, I was scared to use colemak for a bit and just mingle around with alternative layouts because I thought it would ruin my qwerty muscle memory forever because that's what I heard, especially for those who just ajatt their way into a keyboard layout, they forget QWERTY. And there isn't much information about alternative layouts and experiences, especially for those who are already very good at typing. While others had no problems switching back. So, I, otter, enjoyer of very dumb... really dumb ideas, just.. used colemak for like a week and a half straight.

At first it was painful, I didn't know where anything was, though the blank keycaps helped as I was concentrating more in what finger was pressing a key and in a day I went from 3 words per minute to like 15, and then to 20, then to 30, then I was 40 words per minute, which apparantly is the average speed, which, in itself is surprising, people really do suck at typing, even though they spend so much typing, with some effort, anyone can just catch up to them with some jank layout, but whatever. After a week I was... I think 70 words per minute, sometimes 60, there were some keys where I just wasn't yet used to, like, the less common keys that were also swapped, the 'p' key being very hard for me to get used to and the ';' key being moved up was also a bit hard for me.

I, then out of curiousity, tried using QWERTY again, wondering if the horror stories were true... and I was horrified, I just couldn't type and then I moved back to colemak and I COULDN'T TYPE!! I'd TYPE in QWERTY, half of the keys would be correct if it was colemak and then the opposite would happen in colemak... That may not sound infuriating enough in text, but it makes me inate even thinking about it. it goes from funny to I'm switching to pen and paper at 2 billion thoughts per moment. So I just switched to QWERTY and just did type tests to see how long it would take for me to get back my "muscle memory" and it took quite a bit of time, and I, though probably placebo, felt like I didn't even fully recovery.

So what did I do, I just kept switching every so often, whenever I felt like using colemak, I'd use colemak, when I wanted to use QWERTY, I used QWERTY and now... I can basically switch them on the fly, I'm not as fast at colemak yet, I'm still at the 80-90 words per minute in colemak with 100+ wpm PBs while on QWERTY I can easily get 140, still, I could switch them on the fly... besides for vim, but.. why would you use anything but qwerty with vim anyway?

What do you gain with learning an alternative keyboard layout. Haha, I'm glad you asked, absolutely nothing, leave, this is dumb, no, seriously, this is dumb, Leave. I'm doing this because it's funny and because some fuckhead told me qwerty was actually made to be inefficient to not clog up typewriters while they type with two fingers like a T-Rex with cut off fingers. Everything else is just as jank and you're gonna have to explain to anyone who accidently uses your computer why keys don't do what they are supposed to, you will have to explain to them that you are a keyboard nerd that is too deep and torturing themselves with jank layouts. Though, you will begin explaining to them how much you hate iso, how much you hate numpads while they look at you like you grew a third leg, though, sometimes there is a word that you type in an alternative layout that feels so yummy, colemak rolling... mmm...
When a layout gives you the dopamine hit of a well-rolled word... that’s when the obsession starts.

Time to learn dvorak, or else it would be too easy, who will crash first, me or the ibus keyboard layout switcher? :3